So, I come home Friday excited about life, ready for the weekend - generally cheerful.  Ravager and I are bringing in the entertainment system we bought from another grad student and I just happen to glance down towards my left.  Where I see a bright butterfly wing.  Rejoicing in the beauty of the butterfly wing and sorrowing at the fact it is no longer attached to a butterfly I stoop down for a closer look.  When I then see a UPS notice.  And another UPS notice.  And another UPS notice.  All under the bush.  One says 6/26 - 1st notice.  The next says 6/24 - second notice.  The last one says 6/25 - FINAL NOTICE.

So I call UPS and they tell me that my package is on its way back to the sender.  "NO." I say.  "Bring my package back!"  Over the next 30 minutes or so, with much annoyance I continue to bang my head on the UPS wall.  Oh, they are so sorry.  So sorry.  But there's not a damn thing they can do.  They'll tell the driver to do a better job with the notices.  They have the local office call me and the local office is so sorry.  They can't give the sender a coupon to redeliver my package - the sender will just have to pay them again.  My package is in Kansas and if God himself called, they couldn't send that package back to me.

The local office "realizes completely its their fault".  Of course most people don't look under bushes for their UPS notices.  "But they give you a tracking number."  (For the record, they give the SENDER the tracking number.  This does not [and did not] mean the sender gives the number to ME.)  You would think this is to keep anxious and excited customers happy.  "Feel secure because at any moment You the Customer can know exactly where your package is."  Don't be fooled my friends - this is so they can try and transfer responsibility for the package to You the Customer.  In addition, my package (in Kansas) wasn't actually scanned, but there were packages in the same trailer as my package that were scanned.

So the whole time, I think its a package I am expecting from my mother.  Today I find out that there was a SECOND package.  They tried to deliver my mother's package Friday (hence the 6/26 date on the first notice).  A book that I ordered from Elsevier is now going back to Elsevier (long story, but I ordered it months ago and Elsevier didn't tell me when it was being shipped - so, not expecting it, and no tracking number).  So I call UPS again, because now I'm even more pissed about this package.  (Where the "first delivery" notice for that package is, I have no idea.  I rechecked under the bush.  Not there.)  They are still so sorry.  I tell the gal - please, please tell me, please give me the peace of mind that my complaints will go beyond your ears.  She passes me on to a supervisor.  Who is also so sorry.  Then my phone ran out of battery.  There is no justice.  I just went through a pretty similar situation with my health insurance company (who wasn't sorry - they are "comprable and competitive" with other student policies.)

So - let me summarize:

There is no such thing as Customer Service.
There is no Complaint Department.
The employees at UPS are so sorry, but there's nothing they can do.
Even when the company is at fault.
If only you had called Thursday... (recall I found the under-the-bush notices Friday.  Did I mention there's a CLIP next to my door?!?)
They think maybe "The Board" sets these policies.  (Rep: "They just instated this policy."  Me: "Well, they need to uninstate this policy!" Rep: "I think maybe there's a board...")

I swear, as much as it is in my power, I will never send another package UPS again.
"What can Brown do for you?" - They can stop apologizing and actually bring me my package.

So today I go to the dentist to get 3 cavities filled and they give me the option of nitrous oxide (aka "laughing gas").  "I had cavities filled as a kid," I think to myself - no gas, I'll be fine.  Yeah, no.  After the stress of the numbing injections (i.e. planktongrl trying to shrink to nothingness in the chair with tears leaking from her eyes), the nurse strongly suggested the gas.  I had no problem with this and let me say, muuuuuuch better experience.

I didn't have nitrous oxide for the cavities I had as a kid though... you'd think I'd get braver over the years, not... weenie-er.  Sigh.

Hello all!  Sorry I'm not so good at this blogging thing... a million other things seem to come up and I never take the time to update.

Anyway... We bug-bombed Ravager 's house today.  Last night ended up being night of the living spiders.  I was pointing out cat-damage on a door frame to a friend and looked to see a spider about an inch from the tip of my finger.  Then there was a small one on the floor that the cat stepped over.  Then there was one on the front door frame near my computer.  That bugger was fast... I was trying to squish it (sorry spider-lovers) and it kept running.  Ravager and I were playing LOTRO and he didn't realize that I was trying to kill a spider and thought my yelps and gasps meant I was dying in game...  Then, I put my sandals on and there was another of the big fast ones by my foot.  Then there was a smaller big-butted black one (not a widow, I'm sure) on my foot.  That was the one that drove me over the edge.  Finally, one of the big fast ones landed on Ravager's desk.  Nearly all of these were within about an hour, by the way...  We looked online and have decided the big fast ones were wolf spiders, which I realize are an apparent friend of man, but no spider is a friend of Planktongrl.

I realize that many people say that they are deathly afraid of spiders or are arachnaphobic and maybe aren't so much, but in my case, I think I can claim with certainty.  Just ask Ravager.  For instance, "drove me over the edge" means that my brain literally came unhinged.  Sometimes, there is a logical, educated piece of my mind that sits back and watches the primieval part control my body.  It occasionally makes commentary.  When I was trying my best to smash the first wolf spider (did I mention they move FAST?), I nearly yanked the internet cables out of the box.  While my body was flailing and responding and I was occasionally yelling, the logical part was saying, "If you're not careful, you're going to disconnect the internet..."  The primieval part didn't really care.

There came a point however, when even the logical part of my mind curls up and hides somewhere, perfectly content to let the primieval part take complete control (or perhaps its more of a coup... I'm not entirely sure).  This is the part that Ravager finds amusing.  I mentioned that the spider was ON MY FOOT.  Naturally, I kicked it off with my other foot and then ground it into the carpet.  This was not the end however.  I then proceeded to violently stamp my feet spasmatically (Ravager likens it to a "pee-pee dance") and make strange gutteral whimpers.  At this time the paranoid part of my mind takes the reins since the logical part is stuck somewhere else (possibly Urugay).  The paranoid part is now clearly informing the rest of my person that SPIDERS ARE EVERYWHERE.  They are on the floor, the wall, the ceiling... anywhere I go to be safe one is sure to pop into existence.  (Many of you will think this absolutely ridiculous.  I agree.  I'm just describing what happens... if I could agree after the spider has been touching my bare flesh I wouldn't have this problem.)

So, internally the alarm bells are ringing DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL!  Ravager is trying to get me onto a chair so that he can gather everything together to get me to my uninfested home.  English has become a foreign language to me at this time, and although I understand what he is saying, I can't find the words to say. "If I stand on the chair, there is sure to be a spider immediately above my head and probably another one right in front of my face."  The best I can do is continue to stamp, moan, and wail "I wanna go!"  So he gets me to the door, where I see yet another spider in the lower corner between wall and door.  Then he turns out the lights.  All of the lights.

He of course, thinks (although all this time I have not once stopped doing "the pee-pee dance") that I am in my right mind and will naturally flip on the switch by the door.  My right mind is nowhere to be found.  The paranoid part of my mind however is sending visualizations of spiders now covering every surface of the apartment.  I am screaming "YOU TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS!!! DON'T TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!!!"  Added to "the pee-pee dance" is arm flailing, which results in keys being flung who knows where, serving only to hinder us further in getting OUT of the den of spiders.

Fortunately, Ravager turned the lights back on, dispatched the spider at the door and agreed to bug bomb the place.  My logical mind began making diplomatic overtures to the current dictator and helped to find the keys.  We finally got to my place and although I think Ravager could have been a little more sensitive regarding my fear (running tickly "spider hands" up my back doesn't help with the logical mind's redecorating the place, I can tell you that much), he only chuckled a little when I checked every corner of my home for the enemy.  He's a keeper.

Friends,

My grandmother, Harriet, passed away today.  It was not an unexpected death, she had recently broken her hip, and the trauma of surgery further aggravating severe dementia resulted in her being ready to go home.  Two of her three children were physically with her at the time of her death, and the third, my mother, was there via cellphone, having just been with her mom the previous week.  Think kindly of my mother, if you would - I once heard someone say that no matter how old you are when you lose both of your parents, it still leaves you an orphan. 

My family is from a Christian background, so we mourn with the hope and joy of one day being reunited with my grandmother.  Until then, we certainly miss her presence on this earth.  My grandmother was a very spunky woman, having grown up on the "West Side" of Steelton, PA.  She and her family survived the flood of 1972, when the Susquehanna jumped its banks and wiped out the West Side.  No Steeltonian is complete without a nickname, and my grandmother "Hat" was married to my grandfather, William V. or "Polly".  My grandfather, a first-generation American whose family was Serbian and from the former Yugoslavia, was there with Jesus to meet my grandmother as she entered Heaven, I am sure.

I always enjoyed spending time with my grandmother and for several summers would go spend a week with her and other family in Pennsylvania.  She knew and was known by many in Steelton, which was always a marvel to me, as my father was military and we moved every three years.  I remember her singing in the choir on Sundays and volunteering her time in the church and in the community.  She was a generous woman and one had to be careful saying things at the mall like, "That's a nice shirt" because she would inevitably want to buy it for you. 

Some of my favorite memories are of us making rootbeer in the basement, playing card games at the kitchen table, and laying in my grandparents' bed while my grandmother stroked my arm and sang songs like "one potato, two potato", "one little duck with a feather on his back", and "the little fish that swam and swam".  All memories that go back probably about twenty years by now.

Think kindly of me now Mindsayers.  I have just lost my grandmother and it hurts.  She was so happy to hear that Ravager and I are engaged to be married, and I sorrow that she won't be here to see the actual event.  I rejoice that she is no longer trapped inside a body and mind that had betrayed her and left her aching and feeble.  I do miss her though, and I wish I could be there now to grieve with my family instead of stuck in Oklahoma.  I'm sure that in a few days I will be able to join them.  I covet your prayers and well wishes friends, especially as my mom is driving this evening from southern Virginia to Pennsylvania while tired and emotionally drained.  And, as always, thank you for listening.  ~Plank

So I checked my mail today and guess what came!  YES!  My "Playing for Change" CD/DVD that I ordered a month or so ago.  I am listening to it now and trying to refrain from dancing in the office.  It is so cool! 

Life is pretty good, by the way.  I just finished up my KEEP Toolkit portfolio for my Instructional Design class, which was well-received.  I will be getting paid over the summer to do my research, which is a HUGE blessing.  I was really starting to stress over that one.  In another week I think I'll take some time off to focus on wedding planning, in hopes of getting most of it taken care of, though I'm not all that worried.

I think Ravager and I might be moving into a new apartment... we were going to pile into mine after the wedding, but we found another place - it has a fireplace, which is kind of fun!  We'll see if it opens up though.

A sad note, our little puffer fish, Homer and Agathon, died.  I think the cheap tank hood we bought leached metals into the water.  That's really the only thing I can figure out, because everything else stayed the same.    Poor little guys.